I stand at the sink and I wash dishes. I scrape oatmeal crud off the bottom of a steel pot every morning. I fold mountains of laundry. I heal little wounds with the touch of my lips. I whisper fairytales in the dark to eager ears and slay dragons in the middle of the night. I clean poop off of the white bowl of a toilet and gather up childhood anxieties into the hem of my skirt every morning.
I also dance widely and run barefoot under the full moon when no one is looking. I carry a paintbrush in my back pocket and am hungry for beauty. I have hands that heal. I am strong where I was once weak. And yet I am still fragile. I am a ninja and have superpowers but I still wipe the bums of babes and eat cheerios off the floor.
I was looking for myself in places that I was not and so I became lost.
Who did I think I was? I am not sure. I am beginning to realize it was too many things at once.
What have I learned? If we are to find a true and solid sense of happiness – we must unravel our sense of self.
Nothing in our world stands still for very long, every thing is always changing and moving this way and that. But we all attach ourselves to these things – our families, jobs, companies, partners, our roles as parents, children, spouses, friends. We so lovingly attach ourselves to that voice in our head, losing ourselves to every thought and emotion that passes by. And when we lose something, when the wheel turns – we feel as though we have lost ourself. And even if everything stays the same, we live in fear of that fateful day when everything will go away. We wait – shoulders hunched, fists clenched. That is what stress is my dear friends and it sucks.
We are deeply afraid of losing something, losing the game because we don’t want to become less than who we are right now. And so it goes – competition, bullying, illness, anxiety. On and on.
But the good news is this … Who we are has nothing to do with anything outside of ourselves. Our story is just a story and everyone has one. We can never become less than. We have nothing to lose. That is the truth.
So what is one to do? How does a person go about knowing themselves?
This is where we get to have fun. If we can stop taking life so seriously and let go, we might actually be able to enjoy life. And I am not talking about these fleeting moments of joy or this manic up and down that most of us experience. I am talking about a wide expanse of goodness – a happy that is always there no matter what is going on.
You are not who you think you are. You are so much more.
This comes to you with the biggest of love.